University of Miami bringin' the heat!

So the College Humor Live tour had a very happy Halloween because we were all together in Miami making drunk kids in costumes laugh and getting stuck in terrible Miami Halloween traffic. But instead of simply writing out what happened this weekend, I will highlight the events within the lyrics of Will Smith’s smash hit “Miami,” where it’s very clear that Big Will and I have quite different perceptions of Miami.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Miami uh uh  

Southbeach bringin the heat uh

Haha can ya’ll feel that

Can ya’ll feel that

Jig it out uh

 I woke at 4am for a 6am flight. I got a middle seat.

Here I am in the place where I come to let go

Miami the base and the sunset glow

Everyday like a mardi gras everybody party all day

No work all play okay

So we sip a little something lay to rest the spill

Me an charlie at the bar runnin up a high bill

 On the show was Ben Gleib and Nikki Glaser. At the venue I bought a pitcher of beer because the SGA cannot buy alcohol for performers. I wish Charlie was the president of the SGA.

 Nothin less than ill when we dress to kill

Everytime the ladies pass they be like hi will

Can yall feel me all ages and races

Real sweet faces

Every different nation spanish haitian indian jamaican

Black white cuban and asian

Most of the audience was white and a little more white. There was one British kid who heckled me throughout the entire night. He was sitting at a table with 2 guys dressed as Michael Phelps.

I only came for two days of playing.

But everytime I come I always wind up stayin

This the type of town I could spend a few days in

Miami the city that keeps the roof blazin

 I was originally going to fly home the next day at 4pm. But after a few hours of being in town, I decided to  fly stand by and leave at 6am.

Chorus

Party in the city where the heat is on

All night on the beach till the break of dawn

We didn’t go to the beach. B ut there was a nice lake by the student union.

 Welcome to miami

Buenvenidos a miami

Bouncin in the club where the heat is on

All night on the beach till the break of dawn

 I went to bed at 12:30am.

 I’m goin to Miami

Welcome to Miami

 Verse 2

 Yo I heard the rainstorms ain’t nothin’ to mess with

But I cant feel a drip on the strip it’s a trip

Ladies half dressed fully equipped

And they be screamin out ‘Will we loved your last hit’

 The ladies were definitely dressed in slutty Halloween drobe, but were not all over me. However ten dudes came to the show because they really liked the talk show I did for college humor this summer.

 So I’m thinkin’ ima scoot me somethin’ hot

In this south sea merengue melting pot

Hottest club in the city and its right on the beach

Temperature get to ya its about to reach

Five hundred degrees

In the Carribean seas with the hot mommies

Screamin’ aii poppy

 I think Ben tried to get Nikki pregnant.

Everytime I come to town they be spottin me

In the drop bentley ain’t no stoppin me

The cab driver who took us from the Holiday Inn to the venue was a really nice guy.

So cash in your door

We flow to this fashion show

Pound for pound anywhere you go

Yo aint no city in the world like this

An if you ask how I know I gots ta feed the film

 The sophomore who won the sling box was super excited. He was dressed as a pumpkin and thanks to his love of porn and his masturbation skills, he was able to name 6 porn stars and make his parents proud.

 Chorus

 Verse 3

 Dont get me wrong shytown got it goin on

An new york is the city that we know dont sleep

An we all know that l a and philly stay jiggy

 Totally agree!

 But on the sneak miami bringin heat for real

Ya’ll don’t understand

I never seen so many Dominican women with cinnamon tans

Mierda this is the plan

Take a walk on the beach draw a heart in the sand

Gimme your hand

Damn you look sexy

Lets go to my yacht in the west keys

Ride my jetskis loungin in the palm trees

Cause you gotta have cheese for the summerhouse piece on southbeach

 Ben, Nikki, and Beth (hot tour manager) tried to meet me at a bar but  their  cab got lost  and then charged them 60 bucks.  Ben threw a thousand dollars at the cab driver and headed to the beach where he and Nikki spent the night on his Yacht. Beth felt kinda awkward and texted her boyfriend in the corner.

 Water so clear you can see to the bottom

Hundred thousand dollar cars eybody got em

Aint no surprise in the club to see sly stallone

Miami my second home 

I did not see Sly Stallone.